Toxic Feminine & Masculine Energetics at the Collective Level

Man is a sexually dimorphic species. The basic unit of our relating is the polarized pair. This is most often a man and a woman, who feel attracted to each other because the other has something that they do not, or at least, less of it. There is tension in the gap between what each other holds, that draws them to each other. Of course this can happen between people of the same sex, and people with gender confusion as well. But the underlying energetics of attraction are the same - each holds an opposite pole in the relationship game. Without putting any judgement on it, here are some descriptors of the poles I’m talking about:

When folks are able to harmonize in these polarized pairings, what we might call big R Relationships, the unit of the Relationship has the benefit of both poles, providing stability, strength, and the capacity to create together. (Obviously, you don’t need to have stability,  strength, or harmony to create a baby, but it would be beneficial).

Now, when we work with the inner masculine and feminine, which everyone on a path to Union addresses at some point along the way, we do this harmonizing within the individual. This looks like discovering and accepting your natural ratio, learning to work within your primary pole, receiving the support and wisdom of the secondary pole, and bringing them into a unified whole, creating stability, strength, and creative capacity within. Whether this happens naturally and subconsciously through proper parenting and healthy relating with a polar match, or intentionally in supported sessions, or on your own doesn’t matter. Whatever works!

When people are fairly secure in themselves, and operating at a certain level of health, it is easy enough to find balance and harmony with these energies. However, when insecurity arises and health begins to slip, it can start to look like this:

Avoidant  ~  Anxious

And even like this:

Narcissistic / Psychotic  ~  Empathic Supply

Now, I really try to avoid using terms like “toxic feminine” and “toxic masculine” when I’m referring to individual people, because I think it’s all too easy to fall into the projection and blame trap, and for folks to fail to take responsibility for their own contributions to a dynamic. I’m interested in minimizing that trap at the interpersonal levels of relating. However, it’s fair to say that certain behavior patterns fall into the category of toxic levels of health, and that when people are operating from a place of deep insecurity, toxicity is more likely to arise.

I know from experience that security is something that we can create for ourselves, especially in relationship with the Earth. If the original imprints we received are too distorted, then new imprints may be required to be able to begin cultivating security and safety for ourselves. Modeling with someone more secure is a great way to do this. If you’re super fortunate, you may find a partner who has this capacity, or a therapist, healer, or friend or friend group can do this as well. Regardless, most folks could use more embodied security and safety these days, so wherever you are on the path, I encourage you to connect with the Mother of us all on a regular basis, especially when you are distressed or your nervous system is dysregulated. 

The more security and sense of safety we can create for ourselves, the less available we are to be swayed by the toxic patterns that arise.

Choosing the “we” at the expense of the individuated self is the downfall of the toxic feminine. This can look like the weaponization of compassion and generosity, dishonoring individual needs, and personal sacrifice.

The toxic feminine plays to the wound. It says “oh you have a wound there, lets do everything we can to normalize that wound so you don’t have to actually look at it, feel it, smell it, heal it. It’s like an alcoholic’s wife cleaning up the bottles and distributing the ibuprofen. If she felt safe enough to name the root cause, and offer accountability where it’s due, then the real healing could begin. If our fundamental safety is threatened by calling it out, then it’s much harder to do it.

Choosing the individuated self at the expense of connection with others is the downfall of the toxic masculine. This can look like the weaponization of resources and scarcity, hyper- competitiveness, and sacrificing relationships.

The toxic masculine denies the wound. This is like the tyrannical father who kicks his son out of the house and disowns his daughter at the first sign of ‘bad behavior,’ which is actually a symptom of a deeper issue - namely that the father is totally suppressed and emotionally unavailable to be in connection with his kids. Or the good man who is so shut down he can’t connect. If he felt safe enough to touch the dark places within, then the real healing could begin.

These two toxic dynamics play out at a collective level through the “left wing” and the “right wing” of the large metaphorical bird of the political scene in the USA, guess who’s who ;)

The toxic feminine at the collective level, sweeps entire “categories” of people into pockets of “protection”, which doesn’t actually serve them at a deeper level. It encourages identifying with the wound, and essentially enables folks to stay wounded! Literally, “oh you’re (insert marginalized group here), therefore you are wounded and oppressed, and therefore need the help of the government, let me do that for you by blah blah blah” How infantilizing! Incredibly disempowering! And cringey.

Whereas the toxic masculine shuts down in the face of a wound - individual or collective - denies its existence and offers nothing but a cold shoulder or a technological “solution”. Just wait, the other wing is starting to flap… Also yuck.

There is no doubt there have been wounds. All of the marginalized people so championed by the toxic feminine have for sure been wounded. And so, for sure, have those embodying and championing toxic masculine individualism. Every dang member of Man on this planet has been wounded. In our lineages. In our childhoods. And most certainly by the manipulation of the powers-that-were.

The powers-that-were and their puppets, the mainstream media, have done an excellent job over the years of undermining the sense of security and safety of the populace. Now, on a collective level, instead of inner security we have externalized “homeland security,” which has absolutely not made anyone safer, and has actually made people feel ever more scared, along with normalizing being heavily surveilled. This long-game strategy has beautifully laid the groundwork for the cultural emergence of what I’m calling toxic feminine collectivism, which prioritizes the “safety” of the collective OVER the needs and rights of the individual.

This looks like our right to privacy being sacrificed (which is wholly capitalized on by big data) while being constantly manipulated and demeaned. I’ve heard it called the “nanny state,” but the fucked up thing is that the majority of the populace is so enrolled, that the “nanny” is barely needed anymore. At this point all she needs to do is look sideways and everyone snaps to. This looks like 70% of the USA population injecting an untested gene therapy drug under massive media pressure. And many of these people are so identified with the narrative being sold, that they accused those of us who declined to partake in a massive medical experiment of being dirty, disgusting and selfish. That is abusive behavior, instilled by the abusive behavior of the “nanny,” a proxy, in this case, for the medical industrial complex. The weaponization of compassion 100%.

Another example of toxic feminine collectivism is the way the gender confusion agenda is playing out. Witnessing adults be injected with pharmaceutical hormones 20 years ago, as a volunteer at a community herbal health clinic, was disturbing enough, and that was an individual choice made by grown-ass members of Man. But sacrificing CHILDREN to the agenda of a medical industrial complex looking for life-long fodder is a sacrifice of the individual to the ideology that it’s cool to be trans. Most kids with gender confusion have deep attachment wounding and a lack of healthy individuation. That is the underlying wound that is being normalized, at the expense of the natural rites of passage we all got to experience as teenagers, as painful as they may have been. And on top of that, an environment saturated in endocrine disrupting chemicals is being normalized at the expense of the ability to have children in adulthood, and the healthy sense of individuation and purpose that creating a family provides.

There is a better way. A more integrated way.

Healing begins with acceptance. The wounds have to be acknowledged for what they are.

The exalted, harmonized feminine/masculine plays to wholeness. I see your beauty and strength just for being one of Man, just for incarnating on this beautiful, fucked up planet, just for receiving whatever wounding your soul chose by incarnating in whatever body with whatever wonderful or fucked-up mom and dad and lineage wounds and skin color and body shape and hormone imbalances and whatever else. And I see that each of you has exactly what it takes to heal and grow and stop projecting and become secure and whole, because each of you has the same type of beating heart, and a core channel that extends from Gaia to God, and the capacity to claim agency over your own mind, life, and evolutionary trajectory. May it be so.

 ~ Natalie Rose Martin